'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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