So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
