I wish I could teleport
The best revenge is premature balding
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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