It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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