I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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