Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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