The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
