Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
