So drunk its hurt
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
