I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
