So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
