she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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