I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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