I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
