yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
