i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
MIDGETS
????
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
