Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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