speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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