you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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