it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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