I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
