the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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