You're my little dorito
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
