The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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