Cold hands, warm shart.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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