I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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