I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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