just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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