reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
