My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found your dick twin last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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