i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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