i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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