porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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