listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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