12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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