Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
