that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
