You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
