That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
