Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
