sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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