what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
