White coat. Heels.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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