Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
