She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
