that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
