the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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