and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
