if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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