I am in a vortex of obligation.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
