eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
