I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
