You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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