You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
