Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
