My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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