it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
