I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
