By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
