I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
