I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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