Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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