I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
