didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
