Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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