pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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